The SEC: Too Funny For Us

Not to state the obvious, but it is an established fact that USC Football is a nationally recognized power. In fact, we’ve been at or near the top for a while now, which means there are fans besides those in Westwood and South Bend who would like to see the Trojans fall.

This certainly includes haters from the SEC, and especially Auburn fans, who continue to express their false belief that the War Eagle (not the Boomer Schooner) deserved a chance to be embarrassed 55-19 in the National Championship 2005 Orange Bowl. Not to be denied, Florida Gators are getting into the mix, while Auburn fans also fret about the current USA Today Coaches and Harris Polls, as well as the pending BCS rankings.

It’s all well and good, not to mention entertaining, to see these SEC fans expose their inherent inferiority complexes while valiantly stating their case. That freaky geek LSUoverUSC is a classic, but there are many other examples popping up almost every week.

The best I’ve seen recently comes from the Tennessee blog Loser With Socks, which is full of some really funny stuff. The basic premise of this post is that these SEC fans have a few “retarded” traditions, some of which show them to be challenged by social strata. That’s all insulting enough, but the post also takes shots at Alabama’s enduring obsession with Bear Bryant and Tennessee’s “woo” in Rocky Top. These are my favorite parts of the post:

LSU country, while overpopulated with God-fearing, neo-fascist Republicans, reserves a special place in its heart for the Motherland - France. That's right. France. Don't let any of these ignorant buffoons attempt to explain it away. "Naw brotha. It ain't da France, it's Creole baby! Laissez les bon temps rouler!" Hey tardicus rex, that's French. … The problem is that an LSU meaux faux doesn't kneaux bordeaux from J-Leaux. ...

Kenny Irons, star running back and future biochemist, was asked in a recent interview about his favorite Auburn tradition. His response was more impressive than anything I could ever write: "The rolling of Toomer's Corner because I had never experienced anything so amazing in my life. When I came to Auburn I saw all these people huddled around this tree and I was like 'What is this?' You have all of these people and they have all of this toilet paper. They have soft toilet paper and every kind of toilet paper and they are throwing it at a tree. I was like 'Why are they throwing all of this toilet paper at a tree?'" … A fair question in my opinion.
Indeed. ...

The "pageantry" that [Ole Miss fans] boast of is nothing more than a grass field crammed with folding tables and cheap tents picked up at the local K-Mart. Nowhere on earth will you find a higher proportion of red Solo cups, celery sticks, and Chex Mix to humans. Be wary of their shallow claims of classiness - yes those are saltines, yes that is a plastic tablecloth, yes those are McDonald's chicken nuggets, and no that is not your secret recipe for ranch dressing because it says Hidden Valley on the bottle.

Ouch! Admittedly, I don’t quite get some of this, but I’m thinking it’s probably best that way. After all, there are plenty of things about USC football that SEC fans don’t understand, particularly our 17-10-1 record versus the conference, including four wins in a row against Auburn and Arkansas.

Regardless, we can't admit that the SEC has anything on USC, but thanks to Loser With Socks, we can safely say that SEC fans are certainly more “retarded” if not down right more entertaining than most of the Pac-10.

Fight On!
East coast bias