Thursday Twirl: Seriously

When something stupid happens, most of the time we can laugh it off … chalk it up to experience … don’t cry over spilled milk … move on. But when a stupid thing happens twice, little sayings and over-used clichés don’t cut it. It’s time to get serious, if for no other reason than to make sure the stupid thing doesn’t happen a third time.

After last Saturday’s tragic loss, we know now that there is a small segment of the Trojan Family who could stand to learn a thing or two about college football. No, no, no … I’m not talking about our offensive coordinator. And, no … I’m not talking about the few USC bandwagon fans who bought baby blue No. 7 jerseys on Sunday, not realizing that “Southpaw Jesus” didn’t actually play in the game.

I’m talking about our national treasure (according to Beano Cook): The USC Song Girls.

While we were drowning in our sorrow after Saturday’s loss, our 2007 Rose Bowl opponent was fast at work pointing out some stupid stuff for which we have to account. No … not the toss sweep to the short side of the field on fourth down last Saturday.

I’m talking about the “indisputable video evidence” captured and produced (and done very eloquently, I must admit) by the Michigan blog, MZone.



I know this has been on the internets for a few days, and you may have already seen it. But I post it here in hopes of investigating the matter further. To get to the bottom of this … I’m serious.

When you consider that the two most devastating losses during the Pete Carroll era happened at the Rose Bowl, and that during each of those two losses one of our lovely Song Girls made a funny, we have to consider the correlation here. Think about it …

What’s to prevent another pompom feux pau from causing another loss at the Rose Bowl against Michigan on New Year’s Day? I’m serious.

So, we look at the film. I say “film” because as I observe the moving image (repeatedly zooming in on the Song Girl in question), I find myself mumbling, “up and shake … up and shake … up and shake” … like Kevin Costner in the movie JFK … “back and to the left.”

If the photo of last season’s incident was like a Zelig sighting, this video is like the Zapruder film. “Up and shake.” I’m serious.

The problem is, we can’t accurately tell from the video which one of our adorable Song Girls did the deed, so to speak. But, after searching high and low, conducting a few mock interviews, and sifting through hundreds of online photos (as we tend to do on Thursdays) … we find more “conclusive evidence.”

It turns out that Saturday’s mistake was due to an inexperienced coach. No … I’m not talking about calling another quick slant to the left resulting in another tipped pass to effectively end the game.

I’m talking about USC alumnus Will Ferrell, who unbeknownst to us (and anyone else) took over as coach of the Song Girls squad prior to Saturday’s game.

Trust me, he’s there, just out of the camera’s view. In fact, if ABC weren’t running that annoying ticker at the bottom of the shot, we would see him coaching our poor Song Girl to raise her arms: “Good!”

I love Will Ferrell. He’s funny as hell. But, making our beloved Song Girls look stupid on national television, just so he can have one of them do that double pompom over the head waving thing we all like … well, that is funny.

But if he does it again, and causes one of our darling Song Girls to cause the Trojans to lose on January 1st … then, I’ll be really pissed.

I’m serious.

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