Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Anonymity, Hate, Hypocrisy ... and Star Wars

I’m wondering why we haven’t heard from our anonymousIrish” friend lately. You know, the one who demands that I “cut the venom” and “beg God for mercy.” I seriously hope “anonymous” shows up soon, because I’m thinking that we need some “anonymous” wisdom this week …

I thought we would have heard from “anonymous” a couple weeks ago, when we were at a loss to describe the irony on top of ironies.

And, as we reveled in Pete Carroll’s divine intervention (aka, his voodoo and magic tennis book) during USC’s ascent back to where destiny is ours to control, I thought for sure our dear “anonymous” friend would have something to say.

But alas, nothing.

Well, if there was ever a time for this “anonymous” person to give us some guidance, this is it, what with God’s Team - having been so well prepared by their fat “Irish” leader - flying out west to do the Lord's work. What’s worse, the “Irish” will have to do their bidding in a stadium named after a place known for infamously violent and hedonistic acts … a place that actually hosted its own violence and hedonism just last Saturday.

Given all this you’d think “anonymous” would be imploring all Trojans to “go to church.” But then, out here in the blogosphere we came across some stupid stuff that throws a little monkey wrench into the righteousness of anonymity.

Once again, the Domer Mind – which as we’ve said before is a close cousin to the east coast bias and the southern inferiority complex – reared its holier-than-thou head yesterday over at a classy blog calling itself The House Rock Built.

Someone named “fightinamish” wrote a post titled: “If You Don't Hate Pete Carroll, There is Something Seriously, Seriously, Seriously Wrong With You”. At first, I laughed, as I promised our friend “anonymous” I would do when someone “Irish” pokes fun at USC. But then I started to read the thing …
God, I hate Pete Carroll. I hate his smug, dopey face. I hate his leg-humping chihuahua enthusiasm, I hate the way he jumps up and down like a ten year old on a Mountain Dew bender during the games. But mostly, I just hate Pete Carroll. There's some sort of intangible mojo, some sort of je ne sais quoi about him that fires up a deep and primitive hatred and causes an ordinarly normal and peace-loving individual to became engorged with an overpowering urge to rip the heads off of small furry mammals and push helpless children and infirm, elderly people into a meat freezer while gorging myself on the blood of my enemies.
… and I laughed harder. I love it! This guy fightinamish is brilliant. To incite his “engorged … overpowering urge” even more, he embedded Carroll’s Web site into his post. Then added this …
So keep in mind that I already felt that way before I saw... this. This... this... this... monstrosity. This brutal violation of all things good and merciful in the world. This soulless raping of the very conventions of decency in humanity. I got about halfway through it before I clawed my eyeballs out with quivvering [sic] and unquenchably violent fingernails. It's so, so, so awful, and it's such an embodiment of everything that is awful about Pete Carroll. If you watch this flash intro to his website in its entirity and still do not hate Pete Carroll, then you are a depraved husk of a human being who does not belong in society.
This is actually very funny! But then, it makes me think: Geez. Maybe this is what “anonymous” was talking about, when I was told to “beg God for mercy.” Am I really a “depraved husk” for professing my love for Pete Carroll and USC Football? Heck, perhaps I am worse than a depraved husk … although I can’t think of anything worser than what fightinamish describes here. For good measure, he wrote on …
Just for reference:
  • This is Pete Carroll's personal website. This is not a website made by somebody who hates Pete Carroll and wants to make him look like an idiot, although it's very easy to confuse it as one.
  • That flash intro is the splashscreen on his site. Pete is under the assumption you will watch this... this... this... thing in its entirity [sic] before you move onto the content of his website.
  • I am embedding it in this post, and there's no control on it to keep it from autoplaying. This means that every time you load up the House Rock Built, you will be immediately greeted by this music and that shit-eating grin from now until gameday. Why am I doing this? To get the hate flowing. Don't immediately mute it. Spend a few seconds listening to it and feeling the hatred boil inside of you. That hate will give you strength. Feel it flow through your body.
  • Let's beat the Trojans this Saturday and wipe that galling grin off of the Poodle's face. As soon as humanly possible.
… at which point things got a little silly.

After I got my face to un-cramp itself from all my laughter, it became obvious to me that fightinamish is a Star Wars fan, just like Charlie Weis. And in the way he encourages his “Irish” brethren to let the hate flow through self-torture, it’s quite evident that he has joined the Dark Side.

We know this because fightinamish's hate is a byproduct of his fear of Pete Carroll and USC Football. As Yoda said: “Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”

So, really there is no need for USC Trojans to respond to fightinamish in kind, because we know that (by process of elimination) we are on the good Light Side of the Force, and the evil “Irish” will soon be suffering … perhaps as earlier as this Saturday. What could be worse than that?

(This is why I love being a Star Wars nerd, because it always makes you feel better ... and righteous.)

Still, I’d like to know if our friend “anonymous” will be commenting on this post by fightinamish to demand that he too “go to church” and “beg God for mercy.” Or, does fightinamish get a free pass to let his venomous hate flow because he’s an “Irish” fan? Hmmm. Let us know “anonymous,” we’d like to hear your expert opinion. But, I digress …

We commend you, fightinamish. Nice post. Rest assured we take no offense, because unlike "anonymous" we know it’s all fun and games. We know how to take a joke ... You are joking, right?

Fight On! Beat the “Irish”!

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